(10 ways to gently leave your
lover)
Song writer Neil Sedaka may have
said it best, "Down shoubby do, down, down, breaking up is hard to
do." Here are ten tips to help you deal with the turmoil and pain of
ending a relationship. My wish for you is that you never have to use them.
1. Cry all you want. Let the
tears flow, it's healthy you are releasing grief and pain. You may be afraid to start because
you're fearful you'll never stop, but you will.
2. Do something everyday to help
yourself heal. Exercise, read, watch some self-help TV/DVD's, learn to meditate and never underestimate the power of positive
prayer. Pick things that you know will be fun or beneficial and do them. Don't
wait for the mood to come over you, take one action and then take another.
3. Find emotional support. There
are numerous groups for the newly single (more for women than for men). If you
want therapy, go to www.therapistfinder.com to find a licensed marriage and family therapist in your area. Just don't try
to tough it out or go it alone, support from others is healing, even if those
people never become close friends.
4. Don't be a doormat. If your
soon-to-be-ex continues to call you or simply won't go away (or move out) tell
them you can't heal with them around and ask them to keep their distance. If
they are harassing or threatening you it is best to call law enforcement for
information and advice.
5. Keep busy. If you wake up
early take a walk, go out to breakfast or do something around the house. Try a
little "retail therapy" (go shopping) or enjoy the decadence of going
to a movie in the middle of the day. Many businesses allow their staff to take
"mental health days" if needed. If you can't sleep do the crossword puzzle, read or watch TV. Don't
sit in your room and ruminate, you have to free your mind so your heart can
heal.
6. Don't try to mask your pain by
trying to find a replacement. We all know the term "rebound
relationship" these happen when we (unconsciously) use another person to
fill the gap that's been created by the ending of a relationship. These
transitional connections can feel healing in the short term, but if you don't
process your pain appropriately you will not be able to be in a fully committed
partnership.
7. Don't spend too much time
alone. Hang out with friends or make new ones, go to coffee with someone you
can talk to, volunteer in your community. You will need time alone, but if you
isolate yourself you won't be able to fully process your feelings or get the
support you need to heal.
8. Trust your feelings. Even if
you were taken by surprise by the breakup, your inner voice is telling you
something. Listen carefully and you will hear that it will all be OK. You just
have to let your feelings guide you.
9. Take your time. Don't rush out
and buy a new car or move to a new home or another town. Major changes like
those are merely a way of avoiding your feelings. Believe that with a little
time, patience and support you will feel better and find love again.
10. Research. Find out what
others, who have not just survived but thrived after their relationships ended
did to achieve peace of mind. There are some great books on surviving a
breakup, my favorite is "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Peter
McWilliams. This little gem will give you insight, exercises and some sage
advice for dealing with this heart wrenching issue.
_by http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201103/10-tips-survive-break
Source: www.facebook.com/NextOnTop
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